It's been a while I wrote anything on my blog.
Today, again, after a long long time I felt like writing. Writing; which I used
to do a lot before. So many thoughts had in my mind, clear, free of any
prejudice, and I could put it down on Pen. But somehow, lately, I couldn’t
write anything. Nothing! Today, I realized the reason. My mind wasn't free,
neither my thoughts, what lagging was this Freedom. This 'Freedom' created such
a tribulation that I couldn’t figure out what is happening.
I am glad, finally it happened. I fell in love
with a girl, still in love with her, and forever will be in love with her. How
beautiful and fun she is or was? When I think about us, I always saw her
jumping, smiling girl, ton of ideas, and always in good French mood. But in
reality, I felt she missed it. How? I am the person as well who just love to
smile, be stupid, tons of ideas always thought of implementing but never did
it, and just be myself. It all came down to what we both missed, but unknowingly
it impacted both of us. It was being social, being at fun place, being at place
were everyday looks worth living. It was Freedom of both of us. The only and
biggest difference is she had that freedom, and I don’t.
If I think, if I would have been alone, I would
have still came to Bangalore and would have got bored of life in Bangalore and
I would have carved for Freedom. Now, I am still carving, but I don’t have yet.
She, on other hand, she have this freedom and unknowingly sad because of
loosing it. Because she is with me, because she is with me, she has to live at
place where both of us didn’t want to live. I didn’t realize it correctly until
today. It’s all down to Freedom. This is what caused so much of pain, and now
it’s time to get it. I know I will get that bastard soon.
But can we survive till then? Can we both realize
that both are missing the same thing, and can be together it achieve it? If I
gain my freedom, she gains it more. I would be very happy and she would be too.
Can we survive this turbulence period, which after passing will be clam we both
like? I feel sad to see it now working, but feel so happy to think She would be
so happy to have it. At the same time I see both of us, smiling, happy
together, enjoying both of our freedom together, and it makes me so happy.
So many equations of life are unfolding infront
of me. I see though it more clearly. Life, which typically offers only one
thing at a time, it is possible to bend it and get all the things together. Am
I paying its cost? Or are we?
I am confused. Very confused. For the first time in
life, but leaving behind a mark, which will makes me remember few things very
clearly.
This is just what I am thinking. I don’t know
right or wrong. I hope I can find the answer. But one thing I know that I feel
so happy to see her smiling pictures.