Freedom...

It's been a while I wrote anything on my blog. Today, again, after a long long time I felt like writing. Writing; which I used to do a lot before. So many thoughts had in my mind, clear, free of any prejudice, and I could put it down on Pen. But somehow, lately, I couldn’t write anything. Nothing! Today, I realized the reason. My mind wasn't free, neither my thoughts, what lagging was this Freedom. This 'Freedom' created such a tribulation that I couldn’t figure out what is happening.

I am glad, finally it happened. I fell in love with a girl, still in love with her, and forever will be in love with her. How beautiful and fun she is or was? When I think about us, I always saw her jumping, smiling girl, ton of ideas, and always in good French mood. But in reality, I felt she missed it. How? I am the person as well who just love to smile, be stupid, tons of ideas always thought of implementing but never did it, and just be myself. It all came down to what we both missed, but unknowingly it impacted both of us. It was being social, being at fun place, being at place were everyday looks worth living. It was Freedom of both of us. The only and biggest difference is she had that freedom, and I don’t.

If I think, if I would have been alone, I would have still came to Bangalore and would have got bored of life in Bangalore and I would have carved for Freedom. Now, I am still carving, but I don’t have yet. She, on other hand, she have this freedom and unknowingly sad because of loosing it. Because she is with me, because she is with me, she has to live at place where both of us didn’t want to live. I didn’t realize it correctly until today. It’s all down to Freedom. This is what caused so much of pain, and now it’s time to get it. I know I will get that bastard soon.

But can we survive till then? Can we both realize that both are missing the same thing, and can be together it achieve it? If I gain my freedom, she gains it more. I would be very happy and she would be too. Can we survive this turbulence period, which after passing will be clam we both like? I feel sad to see it now working, but feel so happy to think She would be so happy to have it. At the same time I see both of us, smiling, happy together, enjoying both of our freedom together, and it makes me so happy.

So many equations of life are unfolding infront of me. I see though it more clearly. Life, which typically offers only one thing at a time, it is possible to bend it and get all the things together. Am I paying its cost? Or are we?

I am confused. Very confused. For the first time in life, but leaving behind a mark, which will makes me remember few things very clearly.

This is just what I am thinking. I don’t know right or wrong. I hope I can find the answer. But one thing I know that I feel so happy to see her smiling pictures.